The strangest thing happened to me last week - I woke up happy! Now, I've been happy before in my life - my children's lives make me gloriously happy and any time with them is delightful and full of joy. I have friendships that make me laugh with happiness. The early years of marriage were fun and the extent of my spouse's attachment disorder wasn't as apparent as it was after the kids were born... But this is different, possibly because it's not accompanied by anxiety. It's just there, seated somewhere in my soul, and I'm enjoying getting to know it. I think part of it may just be my soul stirring - I cry more easily now (Those of you who know me well know that in the past, I rarely cried in front of anyone - waaaaaaaay too scarey!) and I laugh more easily, too. I find myself laughing out loud at the oddest things. I went to a movie with my son and found myself laughing at things that I knew I probably shouldn't be laughing at - and it was hysterical. I laughed so hard my stomach hurt.
I'm singing again, too - and when I listen to music with my eyes closed, I see colors again. I feel more in touch with the world, with people, with myself. I actually like myself - all the things my NFOO told me about myself appear not to be true after all! I'm feeling more feminine, more energetic, more mindful of my needs, more caring for myself, less inclined to be hard on myself - just plain happier! And I feel that happiness has settled in, that this isn't a transient thing, that maybe, just maybe, I'm now a happy person. Sigh...
