Dreams die hard

Today, I was wandering the streets of my city - I had to get something at the market, which I did, and then I just wandered around, watching people, seeing life unfold around me, and I almost cried  (Those of you who know me know that I rarely cry in public - in fact, I rarely cry even in front of friends, something I really do have to get over since it's a holdover from my childhood, when crying was just plain not allowed - someone might have to DO something if you cried, so it was verboten.)
The country in which I live is still very family based - there were small groups of people everywhere, going shopping together, heading off (I imagine) to have lunch together.   And there were couples - young and old, heads bent together, holding hands, arms linked, arms around each other, laughing - and it made me sooooooo jealous!  I think that jealousy is mostly a waste of time, but today it just hit me so hard that I've been "working on my marriage" for so long and with so few real results and I'll still never have what these people I was watching had - someone who loved  them, someone who wanted to spend time with them, someone who thought they were precious and wonderful, who brought his soul to the relationship, who wanted to share his life, his thoughts, his dreams, his hopes with them.  Yes, I understand that I've invested some of these men with more than they're actually doing, but happiness seems so far out of my reach and I'm trying hard not to stretch so far anymore - there's a real hopelessness in my heart - because I think I've known for a long time that if I don't try anymore it doesn't mean that he'll pick up the slack - it just means that there won't be anything anymore.  And I know intellectually that that's better than continuing to strive for what can't be because he just can't do it and it's impossible for me to do everything that two people are supposed to do in a relationship - and that it's grossly unfair to ask it of me...  But there's always been just a tiny,tiny part of me that hoped, that thought, that maybe someday, if I worked hard enough, if I sacrificed enough of myself, if I gave it everything I had and then some, that he'd somehow turn and actually SEE me, that he'd suddenly want to meet my needs, that he'd wonder to himself about what I'd like instead of what he'd like to give me - yes, my fantasy life is exceptionally well developed and I'm ready to set it aside, but the sadness is overwhelming.  It's the end of a long run, and if I let it go, I'll have a chance to be happy - or at least I'll have a chance to be me, which I think would make me happy.

Do children with RAD grow up to be narcissists?

So here's a new spin on narcissism - narcissism looks remarkably like adult attachment disorder, a relatively new diagnosis, from what I can tell.  Here's a site:  http://www.instituteforattachment.org.  This is so very odd - my spouse has been diagnosed with adult attachment disorder and living with this looks a LOT like living with narcissism- if it looks like a duck... But there appears to be some hope with neurofeedback, which my spouse is getting to reduce anxiety...  Does anyone out there know anything about this???