My spouse, whom I love dearly, is passive/aggressive. I've done
work-arounds for years, compromised (or just gave in) more than was
healthy for me, and learned that anything I wanted or needed would
not/could not be given. " Come here, come here, come here, get away, get
away, get away" was the catch-phrase of our lives together. Obviously,
I'd been well trained in the NFOO to accept this type of treatment and
to keep "working on the relationship." Very one-sided "work" that took
up a lot of the energy I should have been using on me.
I've
asked him for years to get help, but he'd go to see someone for a
couple of weeks and then stop - cured, apparently... When I'd threaten
to leave, he'd make some drastic changes that would last for a few
weeks, then back to same-old, same-old. Then the Parkinson's dementia
started. Oh, my goodness - it's a perfect storm! He can't listen to me
(In fact, he often does the opposite of what I ask), so I can't keep
him safe. I found myself always hyper-alert because I had no idea what
he was going to do next. I'd say the same thing over and over- and I
didn't know which illness was in play at any given moment, but he
couldn't listen.
Finally, I've conceded defeat. He's in
full-time care at a local nursing home. He seems content - the people
there adore him and expect nothing from him, so it works. I'd made
plans to go and see him tomorrow, but there's a football game on that he
wants to watch. It continues, but I'm no longer doing the dance.
Turn, turn, turn!
