Narcissism +

Sometimes it's not "just" a personality disorder - sometimes it's a personality disorder AND something else that makes life just that much crazier.  My spouse is passive-aggressive and I've struggled with that for a long time - add dementia and Pow! life is now much, much harder.  The narcissism in my NFOO is ridiculously complex because of the number of sibs I have - but I suspect that there is an underlying mental illness that exacerbates it and takes it to a level of craziness that makes one's head spin around.

The NFOO has taken it upon itself to deny even the mention of mental illness - even though my grandmother had electric shock treatments back when it wasn't the new, improved electric shock and my great-grandfather committed suicide.  There is OCD everywhere in the family, and I suspect that at least two sibs are dealing with undiagnosed bipolar disorder - it's sooooooo important to the NFOO to keep this undercover - there's a lot of nonsense in the NFOO about "good genes" - we don't have those kinds of illness - or any kind, for that matter!  Even though a number of sibs have autoimmune diseases, one sib has had cancer, a couple of us have PCOS, a family member has Type 1 Diabetes, another has a debilitating anxiety disorder, etc.  Nope, still good genes - and absolutely NO mental illness!!! Like we still live in an era where mental illness is viewed as possession or at least punishment for sin.  Really.

This explains so much that "just" narcissism doesn't -  the "poor WW" that's always baffled me, the unwillingness of NFOO members to look at the complete fabrications that issue from the mouth of the WWW, the hysteria that drives the NFOO.  Narcissism explains the roles in the NFOO - the Protector has her work cut out for her, dealing as she does with all the manic and depressive episodes of at least 2 of the sibs. The scapegoats were beaten into the ground and their characters completely annihilated during bipolar mania.  And the peacemaker - he has his work cut out for him!    And then there are the just plain N's - who are pieces of work unto themselves.

The confluence of narcissism and bipolar disorder creates a perfect storm - roles are locked in because of the narcissism, there are golden children who must be protected at all costs, even from themselves and knowledge of their mental illness, the no-talk rule is strictly enforced, the level of anxiety goes through the roof, and the scapegoats are shamed and degraded for wanting out of their roles.  But I am out - and there is unimaginable peace and calm because I'm finally free of the "family."  I sincerely hope that this is the last piece!