I've written about my issues with my church and with God - this role of forgotten child is a tough one! No one from my church came to see me when I broke my foot and was taking care of a man with dementia - in fact, I called two people who said that when I was better, I should call and we'd go out for coffee! During my childhood, Nmother either ignored us when we were sick or explained patiently that we really weren't sick - we just wanted attention... Yes indeed. Being a forgotten person in your own church is discouraging!
I went NC with God for a couple of months - I'm cautiously approaching that relationship again - we'll see where that goes. And the pastor has resigned - this is cause for an "Alleleuia!" I have to slowly and cautiously see if anything changes with his resignation. I really don't want to be treated the way my family has treated me my whole life. Ever. again. Not by my family, not by my friends, not by my church... You get the picture.
So today I'm staying home and taking care of my spouse - the place where he's living suggested that I take him to a hospital because he has a bad cough. I took him to a doctor last week because he had a high temperature and I thought he might have pneumonia. He doesn't, but he had a UTI, so he's on antibiotics. He was keeping people awake with his coughing and they were complaining, though, so he's here for the duration... I've put him in a room with a vaporizer and given him some essential oils, and he's sleeping soundly. He's already carrying a toxic load with the Parkinson's and now the antibiotic that it just doesn't make sense to me to give him more meds...
So Happy Easter to those of you who are celebrating today! May you learn to enjoy life more, to take good care of yourself, to love yourself and trust yourself so much that you wake up each morning looking forward to whatever is in store! Be joyful whenever you can!
Thank you, Pearl. A belated happy Easter to you also!
ReplyDeleteHugs,
CZ
Happy belated Easter to you Pearl; I hope you're tending to yourself as much as to your spouse these days. I know he needs care; I'm glad you're feeling strong enough to provide it w/o feeling triggered. xo CS
ReplyDeleteI am - for short periods of time!!! Two days was enough...
Deletechurches can be toxic. I believe that there is a level of misogyny in most churches and this is what I experienced. Even in the Quaker Meeting for Worship.
ReplyDeleteHence, I stay away from the similar environment that I received all my life with the n-family.
Best of luck.
Lady Nyo
Yes, I'm learning that, too - and I'm also learning to speak up and say, "Stop it!" when people start getting frenetic or verbally aggressive. It's still exhausting, but I know that I'm often going to be in the presence of N's and I want to be able to hold my own, to be who I am, and to shut them up!!!
DeleteHi Pearl,
ReplyDeleteI love your new name and why you chose it! I enjoyed seeing you recently. I wish we would have thought to take a couple "selfies" of our time together but in the back of our minds that probably seemed too narcissistic of thing to do ... lol.
I hope your friends liked the gifts that you picked out for them! You are so thoughtful.
With the youngest child completely moved out now into her own apartment, I am doing a complete and utter declutter including my computer which is how I discovered this gem of a blog nestled among all the junk sites I need to delete.
No, selfies would have been good! I forgot to take pictures that whole time, which is sad!! I'm glad that you discovered the blog - think we've probably talked about most of it anyway, and I write very seldom now, Seems that I've worked through most of the past - now dealing with the present and will probably have to write more soon to process that....
DeleteAh yes! I think I am at that stage, too. Two and a half years of therapy in order to learn to deal with the past/most of the past and now I am working on accepting and making the best of the present ...
DeleteIt's a great place to be, isn't it???? I wouldn't go back for anything in the world!
Delete