Conditioning: We were, indeed, conditioned to give the
narcissist supply. Our MNF demanded it,
and once the Golden Child (In my case, the WWW) was identified and the process
of grooming her had begun, she was petted, pampered, and protected. In my FOO, the Golden Child looked a lot like my
mother had as a young child. My eldest
sister, now the Main Winkie (protector of WWW and her FM’s) was the chosen
protector. This meant that the two
sisters between MW and WWW were pretty much ignored. In fact, we were often dressed alike although
there were 2 years between us. The
Golden Child was also the youngest girl for quite a number of years, giving her
even more elevated princess status. She
actually received gifts that she wanted for Christmas and birthdays and was not
criticized and abused like the rest of us were.
While we cleaned our FOO’s house to absolutely ridiculous standards of
cleanliness, the Golden Child was sent to help our grandmother. The only time I remember our grandfather
hugging one of us, it was, of course, the Golden Child. We were trained early to let her do what she
wanted or we’d get into trouble.
Wish for a good family: When one child is selected as the Golden Child, the stage is set for the non-Golden Children to believe that they are not good enough, that they’ve done something wrong, that they aren’t loved because of faults within themselves – obviously, the parents love the GC, so it can’t be the parents’ fault! This made the rest of us work even harder for attention and love. We learned that currying favor with the GC was a way to win our parents’ approval, so whatever she wanted, we supplied and if she reacted to anything with fury, it was always our fault. We learned early to tiptoe around her, so it’s little wonder that her adult behavior is as horrific as it is.
What happens when a narcissist is confronted: This one is easy – they win!! Narcissists have no ability to reflect accurately on their own behavior; they automatically think that they’re right about everything and any fault lies elsewhere. Confronting them is an exercise in futility – and will set into motion narcissistic chaos. Not only are you wrong, but you are obviously demented, a liar (very big in our FOO), and merely bent on hurting the narcissist’s ever-so-tender psyche. Telephone lines will buzz with gossip, slander, and just plain old lies in an attempt to destroy your reputation and the protector and flying monkey will come out in force – that way, any other confrontations of the narcissist will hopefully be avoided.
It’s actually pretty amazing that narcissists are EVER
confronted or called to account for their behavior, especially women
narcissists, who tend toward the histrionic and provide all kinds of drama if
anyone suggests that their behavior is anything short of exemplary, even noble. And their favorite line of defense is to
accuse the other person of what they themselves have done – ta-da!!! This reversal is often so absurd as to be in
the realm of comedy, but don’t you dare point that out to the narcissist – or
to their protectors or minions. The
empress is really quite naked!!!
