Alas...

You just can't un-see this.  And once you see it, every relationship ends up, sooner or later, under the microscope.  And honestly, looking the other way to save an unhealthy relationship is just, well, dishonest - and ridiculous if you want to really get better and live an emotionally healthy life and be less stressed and heal yourself - and BE yourself.  I've managed to skirt around the deep issues in this relationship for so long and now here it is - right in front of me, demanding that I look at it, demanding that I really SEE it, demanding that I be honest about the deep pain that this relationship has caused me and the near impossibility that any lasting change can happen because the other person really doesn't care about me at all - not so much from moral failure as from narcissistic wounds in childhood that led to this devastating fear of intimacy.  We had a long talk yesterday, known in the South as a "Come to Jesus" meeting - I laid out what I need (but part of the problem is that any need that I state MUST not be met) and what I will and won't tolerate and then gave a deadline 6 months out, at which point I'll make the decision about continuing the relationship or not.  I really have no hope - we've been over this ground so many times that I can almost predict the outcome and the various excuses for not continuing to work on the issues.  It all comes down to fear- it's immobilizing, it renders one incapable of basic human interaction, it makes flight the option of choice, and (perhaps worst of all) it makes one an emotional invalid - and an emotional coward. It limits the emotions you allow yourself to feel until eventually, you become completely numb and withhold everything from others so that you keep yourself "safe."  It's very sad - and I have no ability to change it.  God knows I've tried.  But you really just can't un-see this...