Good enough

So we're leaving for the States on Wednesday- actually, we're flying to a local city tomorrow and then leaving Wednesday.  This kind of deadline usually creates frenetic activity for me - and this one is, unfortunately, no different!!!   Had friends over for dinner last night, which was a lot of fun, and got the house cleaned for the housesitter (except the refrigerator - AACK!), and finished most of the weaving for Christmas presents - except one.  And this morning, that almost caused a panic attack. I'm doing one very complicated weaving - and without a deadine, this would be fine - but I'm just not going to get it done in time and that'll have to be OK.  I've just begun to really see that this constant focus on doing everything perfectly is also the product of living in the NFOO.  Perfection is demanded of those who've been ousted - no excuses, no grace given if perfection isn't achieved!  I've always thought of this before as an inborn trait - this was the way I was - but it isn't who I was meant to be. Life will go on smoothly without everyone I love receiving a handmade gift!  Life will continue if I use the wrong inflection or have the wrong facial expression when saying something!  I can be tired and cranky and no one's life will be ruined by it!  It's amazing to me how enslaved I've been to doing everything right - what a phenomenal waste of time.  And what a stressful way to live.   I've always watched my words, my actions, my facial expressions when I'm around them - and now that I'm NOT around them, I can relax into my own life - I can be good enough instead of perfect.  Amazingly, as this dawns, I feel myself becoming more me.  I'm spending more time on me, I'm taking care of me, and I'm not allowing others to trample my boundaries. I'm spending time now with people I really WANT to spend time with and it's delightful.  I try not to bemoan the lost time, but to just enjoy the new life I've been given - what a blessing!!!