There are some clear disadvantages to getting emotionally healthy - I used to be able to just suck it up and get on with it. That's getting harder and harder to do. I've spent an hour crying this morning, knowing that I can't keep taking care of my spouse and wondering how I'm going to manage yet another expense of this horrific disease. Because of his p/a, he just can't listen to anything I say and I find myself getting more and more frustrated with his antics. Because he now also has dementia, it's hard to sort out what's what - and it really doesn't matter, I guess, because the behavior will continue unabated until he dies. It usually means more work for me, though, and I think I'm past the point... it's like having a 172 lb. toddler with an attitude. In the old days, I would have just stuffed the feelings and walked zombie-like through the day, doing what had to be done. Now I don't want that kind of life - I need to take care of me, too, something I never even thought about before.
Hi Pearl,
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean. I'm going through a similar phase myself. Hopefully we will get the hang of it soon. I'm sorry things are hard with your husband. Dementia is hard enough without the p/a. Sending you love and supporting hugs.
Kara xx
Gracias! Look what I found today on "Through the Looking Glass!"
ReplyDelete“It takes courage...to endure the sharp pains of self discovery rather than choose to take the dull pain of unconsciousness that would last the rest of our lives.” Marianne Williamson
So true - it's just that sometimes the "dull pain of unconsciousness" sounds better, somehow...