Got the OK today from the doctor today to lose the crutches - well, except if my foot hurts. I can live with that. I'm supposed to go slow (difficult) and build up to walking a lot. Being somewhat impatient, I was really hoping for some long river walks, but I'm waiting, I'm waiting. But I can get up to answer the phone, I can go to the kitchen to get a drink of water without giving it a lot of thought, I can take a shower without dread, and I can put things away without using the wheelchair. I'm going grocery shopping tomorrow! I find myself standing on one leg, doing the weird limp thingy that you do on crutches, and I look around for the crutches before I get up. This will pass - and, as a good friend told me, I may even forget which foot I broke at some point... That would be nice.
I have to spend some time mulling the care issue - why am I not help-able? Are the people right who say that our culture is getting increasingly narcissistic and very few people help anymore? Or is it that there are Helpers and Others (or Givers and Takers) and being a Helper doesn't qualify you for help? Or am I in a particularly unhelpful community? Why am I invisible to the church like I was to my NFOO? Right now, I feel like God's red-haired stepchild and it's uncomfortable and sad.
I know this feeling and I"m sorry your having it. It's not you who is "unhelpable" but others who aren't caring enough. It may be that you strike people as being so "capable," esp as your husband's caretaker, that they've lost the ability to see you as someone who needs tending to. That often happens to we ACoN types I think. At least I know it's happened to me. But I know you're there! And happy you can get up out of that wheelchair. Take it easy on the foot, though. xo CS
ReplyDeleteI think it happens to a lot of ACON's, too. This is my newest goal - to be seen as someone who is worthy of help, as someone who may be capable and able to care for a disabled spouse, but who also needs someone to come alongside sometimes to offer support. It's still amazing to me that in the 6 1/2 weeks I was stuck at home, not one person from my church visited. I should say that not one person from my old church visited because there's really no point in recreating the NFOO by being in a church that treats you the same way. The irony is that I was on my way to visit someone in the hospital when I hurt my foot! Thanks for your concern - I can't tell you how nice it is to get up and just WALK!!
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