Who can I trust?

This quote is from The ONE YOU FEED, 2/22/2010 – the blog address is on my sidebar.

"Narcissists consider their interactions with others as a game; a game they will likely win if you play along. One of the key elements in their communication technique is to keep others on the defensive. They do this by gleaning information from us and storing it for future use. Even the most seemingly benign information can and will be used against you."

So I’ve been aware of the game for a while, but now that I’ve gone NO CONTACT with WWW and her FM’s, I really have to consider the Winkies and their role in the game.  I’m pretty sure that Main Winkie cannot keep information private – she has a LOT invested in these women and sees herself as their protector from the EVIL FORCES of the Ousted siblings – and apparently continues to resist the knowledge that the WWW and her FM’s are the ones who did the ousting.  In her mind, we are self-ousted! She also has really bought into Loving Brother being a force for evil – the WWW and her FM’s really worked that one at the death of MNF – but as a result, WWW got all the good stuff, which seems to be one of the primary goals.  MW often says that her husband considers her naïve – and I think that she wants to appear naïve so as not to look at reality.  Is that possible?  That you keep YOURSELF in the dark on purpose? (Like I did for ages!)  So my plan has been to give MW only happy, happy information – life is GREAT, I’m having FUN and SEEING LOTS OF EXCITING THINGS – that sort of thing.  I’ve always thought of MW as Pollyanna – she wants so badly to ignore what’s going on in the FOO that she tries to re-direct everyone to the GOOD.  But according to the quote above, ALL information can be used against you.  ALL.  So where does that leave me with MW?  How much of my life can I share with her?  How much will have to be given to WWW as narcissistic supply?  Information in my FOO is like gold – we’re commodities traders – the one with the most information wins!  For a while, I thought of WWW as the switchboard operator in the FOO (That’ll give you some idea of my age!!) – she’s the one who collects information.  But the analogy wasn’t quite right because, unlike a telephone operator, she twists and and transforms the information to feed her need for gossip, slander, and deception.  I hate to lose what contact I have with MW – I’d like to think that’s she’s an innocent caught in the clutches of WWW – like the Winkie guards, doing the bidding of the Wicked Witch of the West, but longing to be free of it all.  I’m just not sure that I can think that way about her anymore – knowledge may make you free, but it sure does mess with your life in the meantime.  She knows that I am NC with WWW and her FM’s, but just a few days ago, she told one of the FM’s to email me about prayer cards from our mother’s funeral.  AACK!!!  Apparently, she believes in her little naïve way that NC only means no physical contact – do I bother to have that conversation with her again or do I sever contact with her as well?  AACK!!!!  I hate narcissism!!!

The other Winkie is a brother I love – but I’m not sure that I can trust him not to provide narcissist supply to one of the FM’s.  He tends to believe the gossip of the FM's and although he is getting counseling and is growing by leaps and bounds, his behavior at NM’s deathbed was disconcerting.  He apparently bought into our-mother-may-be-dying-but-she’s-really-only-WWW’s-and-FM’s-mother-so-would-you-please-focus-on-them?  There was much wailing and gnashing of teeth in the midst of glaring and hostility and W2 saw his job as offering comfort to the N’s instead of dealing with his own grief.  And WWW and her FM’s were very clear that only THEIR grief was valid, that they were suffering so much more than anyone else, and that only THEY should be at NM’s side since she really loved only them.  And W2 bought the whole package – and supersized it!  And having said that, I can’t tell you the pain that even the thought of losing a relationship with this brother brings.  We’ve shared so much of our lives, we talk on the phone a lot, email each other, SKYPE, and I’ve always felt that he had my back – but even given that, I’m still not sure that he’ll able to keep any information from one of the FM’s.  I’m assuming, given what others have written on their blogs, that WWW and her FM’s are going to get worse now that the second parent has died.  I’m also assuming that my going NC is going to up the ante and that the pressure to provide narcissistic supply will increase dramatically (pun intended).  Can he resist?  He’s coming for a visit soon with his  fiancée and we’ll talk then – I feel like I need to see his face when I ask if he can do this.  Please, please, please let the honest answer be “Yes!”