http://www.psychforums.com/narcissistic-personality/topic64338.html
This site is a bit difficult to get to, so here is bulk of the post - sorry it's a bit long! I've edited it to eliminate anything that isn't a reference to The Wizard of OZ.
Thoughts on *The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists*
by okerry » Sat May 14, 2011 6:31 pm
I do know that there is a book called *The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists*, but IMHO the author really missed the mark on identifying the NPD in that particular story.
The following is just something I thought of while watching *The Wizard of Oz* yet again, while struggling to understand what on earth happened to my NPD ex-husband who had once been such a good man and loving father.
As most people know, the condition of narcissism is named for a character in a Greek myth, Narcissus, who fell in love with his own reflected image in a pool and pined away for it until he died. This has led to the idea that narcissists love only themselves, but that’s not exactly what the story means.
Because he was so empty on the inside, Narcissus only existed when he saw himself reflected somewhere else. And that’s how someone with the condition called “narcissism” goes through life: An empty hole on the inside, with no sense of self-worth or self-validation to make them feel whole and human and good. At some point, possibly in response to some loss or trauma or pain, they stopped looking inward to create those things (that takes work) and indeed cut that off completely so that 100% of their validation comes from the outside - from other people (because that seems so much easier and so much more rewarding, the way it's always easier to use a drug to get a quick fix of whatever you're looking for.)
But of course no other person can give them what every human really needs - which is self-worth and self-validation and self-respect - and so narcissists spend their lives as bottomless pits for attention, admiration and validation. And they only end up more and more and more empty, because that sort of pit cannot be filled from the outside. It can only be filled from within.
In *The Wizard of Oz*, our famous four characters search for the things which every human needs: A brain, a heart, courage, and a home. But just like the narcissist, they make the mistake of searching for others who will supply those things instead of looking within themselves and finding what they need on the inside.
The Munchkins represent well-meaning friends who actually encourage the narcissist to search outwardly instead of inwardly. “Follow the yellow brick road!” they say, because the yellow brick road leads you to the someone who, the Munchkins believe, can give you what you seek – namely, it leads to the Wizard.
Glinda the Good represents a true friend who wants to help but knows she cannot, because she understands that she cannot give the characters what they seek and no one else can, either.
The Wicked Witch represents full-blown narcissism run rampant. She is surrounded by evil, misshapen characters like the Flying Monkeys who try to bring her what she wants – namely, attention and admiration that she has not earned – and by thralls, the Winkie Guards, who are enslaved by her cruelty but don’t know how to break free of her.
In the end, the Wicked Witch is vanquished by simply washing her away with honesty and courage. And then the Flying Monkeys are gone and we see that the Guards were not really loyal to her at all.
The Wizard is a fraud, of course, because no one can give you what you must create and nurture from the inside – courage, wisdom and love.
Glinda finally tells Dorothy that she had the power to go home all the time. “Why didn’t you tell me?” Dorothy cries, and Glinda says, “Because you would not have believed me. You had to learn it for yourself.”
And so they did. As we all do.
NPDs spend their lives looking for love and validation from Flying Monkeys and enslaved thralls - who have the power to destroy you and will not care if they do - instead of the NPDs using their own power to simply go home.
In this story, "home" is the place *within yourself* where you will have all the intelligence, love and courage you ever wanted or needed - including people who will love you simply for yourself, as Auntie Em and Uncle Henry and all the other "real" characters loved Dorothy.
That's why there's no place like home.
The Witch wanted the Ruby Slippers, but they were unobtainable for her. That's because the Ruby Slippers represent Home and you must make your own Home - you cannot just take someone else's and expect their home to be yours.
And of course the Flying Monkeys represent the enablers, sycophants, lackeys, toadys, groupies and hangers-on that powerful narcissists and other addicts virtually always attract. The Monkeys are pathetic, unnatural creatures who exist on the crumbs and leftovers of the narcissist but really care nothing for him, because if he's gone they'll just attach themselves to someone else.
I looked at some excerpts from *The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists.* The author seems to feel that the Wizard himself represents an NPD.
But the story didn't strike me that way at all.
As I mentioned above, it's our four main characters who represent the NPDs because they're the ones looking for others to supply them with what they need instead of looking inward to find it. And the Wicked Witch represents NPD run rampant at its most destructive.
But the Wizard - now, think about it:
The Wizard is first shown as nothing but an ugly and very angry face, shouting and growling and erupting in fire and fury, living as a recluse and trying to get rid of all these NPDs who keep trying to Get Things From Him.
He's not trying to get anything from anybody. He hides from everyone and tries to get them to leave him alone. He clearly looks to be angry, lonely and suffering.
"GO AWAY!"
"I was hoping the Wicked Witch would kill you and I would never see you again."
"PAY NO ATTENTION to the man behind the curtain!"
No NPD would EVER say such things. They live for constant attention and emotional feeding from others. They are the polar opposite of the Wizard.
To me, the Wizard represents the spouses and adult children of all the charming, sweet-talking, innocent-looking NPDs who have been tormenting them to death for years. There is a lot of talk about “narcissistic rage” from the NPD, but I can tell you that the NPD’s victims often find themselves literally raging and screaming from the extreme frustration and agony of being used as a drug instead of treated like a real human being.
Finally, when the Wizard's true form is revealed as a gentle and quite ordinary man - who is a fraud only in the sense that he cannot give the NPDs what they want any more than anyone else can - he is able to get the NPDs to look inside for what they want, and then he is able to get free of them and go home himself.
It's left to Glinda to help Dorothy with the biggest hurdle of all - understanding where Home really is.
I don't think the Wizard represents a full-blown Narcissist at all. That's The Wicked Witch. The angry, hideous, reclusive and lonely Wizard represents the NPD's tormented and isolated victims.
I was thinking about where Toto figures in the story. I think that because Toto is an animal - a normal, natural animal, not a fantasy creature like the Lion - he therefore represents the kind of innocence and purity of spirit that can never be contaminated by narcissism. He can neither be one nor respond to one.
It is in protecting Toto that Dorothy finds the courage to destroy the Wicked Witch, and it is Toto who reveals that the angry, blustering, supernatural-looking wizard is also a "real" creature who should be treated as such - not merely used as a source of supply for NPDs, which is what left him raging, suffering and reclusive.
When the innocent Toto pulls back the curtain, the Wizard can finally respond to the NPDs as his real self and *then* he is able to get free of them - presumably to go back to a normal, natural world.
The only place where the metaphor doesn't quite hold, IMHO, is that the Wizard actually *is* able to turn around the behaviour of the NPDs simply by pointing out their own positive traits to them and showing them that they didn’t have to go looking for what they needed from someone else – that they would find they had brains, love and courage all along if they would only look within instead of demanding these things from others.
Now, I know that the Wizard of Oz isn't specifically about narcissists and their ilk, but goodness, Baum must have had some personal experience with them since he got it so right! The following is just something I thought of while watching *The Wizard of Oz* yet again, while struggling to understand what on earth happened to my NPD ex-husband who had once been such a good man and loving father.
As most people know, the condition of narcissism is named for a character in a Greek myth, Narcissus, who fell in love with his own reflected image in a pool and pined away for it until he died. This has led to the idea that narcissists love only themselves, but that’s not exactly what the story means.
Because he was so empty on the inside, Narcissus only existed when he saw himself reflected somewhere else. And that’s how someone with the condition called “narcissism” goes through life: An empty hole on the inside, with no sense of self-worth or self-validation to make them feel whole and human and good. At some point, possibly in response to some loss or trauma or pain, they stopped looking inward to create those things (that takes work) and indeed cut that off completely so that 100% of their validation comes from the outside - from other people (because that seems so much easier and so much more rewarding, the way it's always easier to use a drug to get a quick fix of whatever you're looking for.)
But of course no other person can give them what every human really needs - which is self-worth and self-validation and self-respect - and so narcissists spend their lives as bottomless pits for attention, admiration and validation. And they only end up more and more and more empty, because that sort of pit cannot be filled from the outside. It can only be filled from within.
In *The Wizard of Oz*, our famous four characters search for the things which every human needs: A brain, a heart, courage, and a home. But just like the narcissist, they make the mistake of searching for others who will supply those things instead of looking within themselves and finding what they need on the inside.
The Munchkins represent well-meaning friends who actually encourage the narcissist to search outwardly instead of inwardly. “Follow the yellow brick road!” they say, because the yellow brick road leads you to the someone who, the Munchkins believe, can give you what you seek – namely, it leads to the Wizard.
Glinda the Good represents a true friend who wants to help but knows she cannot, because she understands that she cannot give the characters what they seek and no one else can, either.
The Wicked Witch represents full-blown narcissism run rampant. She is surrounded by evil, misshapen characters like the Flying Monkeys who try to bring her what she wants – namely, attention and admiration that she has not earned – and by thralls, the Winkie Guards, who are enslaved by her cruelty but don’t know how to break free of her.
In the end, the Wicked Witch is vanquished by simply washing her away with honesty and courage. And then the Flying Monkeys are gone and we see that the Guards were not really loyal to her at all.
The Wizard is a fraud, of course, because no one can give you what you must create and nurture from the inside – courage, wisdom and love.
Glinda finally tells Dorothy that she had the power to go home all the time. “Why didn’t you tell me?” Dorothy cries, and Glinda says, “Because you would not have believed me. You had to learn it for yourself.”
And so they did. As we all do.
NPDs spend their lives looking for love and validation from Flying Monkeys and enslaved thralls - who have the power to destroy you and will not care if they do - instead of the NPDs using their own power to simply go home.
In this story, "home" is the place *within yourself* where you will have all the intelligence, love and courage you ever wanted or needed - including people who will love you simply for yourself, as Auntie Em and Uncle Henry and all the other "real" characters loved Dorothy.
That's why there's no place like home.
The Witch wanted the Ruby Slippers, but they were unobtainable for her. That's because the Ruby Slippers represent Home and you must make your own Home - you cannot just take someone else's and expect their home to be yours.
And of course the Flying Monkeys represent the enablers, sycophants, lackeys, toadys, groupies and hangers-on that powerful narcissists and other addicts virtually always attract. The Monkeys are pathetic, unnatural creatures who exist on the crumbs and leftovers of the narcissist but really care nothing for him, because if he's gone they'll just attach themselves to someone else.
I looked at some excerpts from *The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists.* The author seems to feel that the Wizard himself represents an NPD.
But the story didn't strike me that way at all.
As I mentioned above, it's our four main characters who represent the NPDs because they're the ones looking for others to supply them with what they need instead of looking inward to find it. And the Wicked Witch represents NPD run rampant at its most destructive.
But the Wizard - now, think about it:
The Wizard is first shown as nothing but an ugly and very angry face, shouting and growling and erupting in fire and fury, living as a recluse and trying to get rid of all these NPDs who keep trying to Get Things From Him.
He's not trying to get anything from anybody. He hides from everyone and tries to get them to leave him alone. He clearly looks to be angry, lonely and suffering.
"GO AWAY!"
"I was hoping the Wicked Witch would kill you and I would never see you again."
"PAY NO ATTENTION to the man behind the curtain!"
No NPD would EVER say such things. They live for constant attention and emotional feeding from others. They are the polar opposite of the Wizard.
To me, the Wizard represents the spouses and adult children of all the charming, sweet-talking, innocent-looking NPDs who have been tormenting them to death for years. There is a lot of talk about “narcissistic rage” from the NPD, but I can tell you that the NPD’s victims often find themselves literally raging and screaming from the extreme frustration and agony of being used as a drug instead of treated like a real human being.
Finally, when the Wizard's true form is revealed as a gentle and quite ordinary man - who is a fraud only in the sense that he cannot give the NPDs what they want any more than anyone else can - he is able to get the NPDs to look inside for what they want, and then he is able to get free of them and go home himself.
It's left to Glinda to help Dorothy with the biggest hurdle of all - understanding where Home really is.
I don't think the Wizard represents a full-blown Narcissist at all. That's The Wicked Witch. The angry, hideous, reclusive and lonely Wizard represents the NPD's tormented and isolated victims.
I was thinking about where Toto figures in the story. I think that because Toto is an animal - a normal, natural animal, not a fantasy creature like the Lion - he therefore represents the kind of innocence and purity of spirit that can never be contaminated by narcissism. He can neither be one nor respond to one.
It is in protecting Toto that Dorothy finds the courage to destroy the Wicked Witch, and it is Toto who reveals that the angry, blustering, supernatural-looking wizard is also a "real" creature who should be treated as such - not merely used as a source of supply for NPDs, which is what left him raging, suffering and reclusive.
When the innocent Toto pulls back the curtain, the Wizard can finally respond to the NPDs as his real self and *then* he is able to get free of them - presumably to go back to a normal, natural world.
The only place where the metaphor doesn't quite hold, IMHO, is that the Wizard actually *is* able to turn around the behaviour of the NPDs simply by pointing out their own positive traits to them and showing them that they didn’t have to go looking for what they needed from someone else – that they would find they had brains, love and courage all along if they would only look within instead of demanding these things from others.
My mother died recently and the WWW and her FM's created so much havoc, delivered unto the rest of us so many histrionic scenes, and fostered so much bad feeling with their jealousies, gossip and lying that I've finally decided that I am finished. I will no longer have any contact with them - I've blocked them from my email, unfriended them on Facebook, and will not answer any sort of correspondence from them. I have gone NO CONTACT. I now have to make sure that the Winkies will not share information about my life with them, either - if they will agree to that and I am convinced that they are onboard, I will give them snippets of my life and wait to see the results. If they can be trusted with those, I will give more - but only as long as I feel that I can trust them. I really do want my life to be uncomplicated by histrionics. Period.
This post is very good Toto. There is a post in the blog In Bad Company which also talks about Narcs being drug addicts and us being their suppliers.
ReplyDeleteWould you believe that I have never seen the film? I have put it on my dvd rental list so I'll come back to this post to read it again before I watch it.