Disappearing Act

This transition is tough - my jobs right now are to stop taking on the world's problems as if they were mine alone to solve and to stop disappearing. I've made a good bit of progress in the "It's none of my damn business" department, but the disappearing... I tend to hermit while I'm processing and I can also "disappear" in a group of people - my friends in college used to ask me how I did that and I really didn't know, but I was invisible in my family and to my family and that's what I do if I'm not careful to stay present. People actually don't remember me being at functions if I've allowed myself to "disappear." It's a strange and rather frightening phenomenon - sometimes I can feel myself doing it, so I can stop it, but it's been part of how I am for so long that it's tough to stop doing it automatically if I'm anxious- I just go away and even though I'm physically present, I'm gone for all practical purposes. I continue to talk to people, to observe what's going on, etc., but most people wouldn't remember that I was there... I was well trained in the art of not having any needs or desires - to the point of just not being present - AACK!!! I'm finding right now that the people I'm attracted to are people who've been through this and come out the other side as whole, emotionally healthy people who can be present in their lives and in their relationships - ah, how I long for that day!!!! Disappearing was a great tool when I was a child, but it's no longer serving me and I have to stop doing it - I can be safe in the world without this particular self-defense mechanism. I want to be present in my own life!!