"She's never been my mother like that. She likes to pretend she is. She likes to take on that roll, like a child playing dress up." (This is a quote from Releasing Jessie: Who's your Mommy? - see sidebar)
This resonates with me! This is exactly how my Nmother was - playing dress up describes it so perfectly. LS1 told me about taking our Nmother shopping when she was in her 80's and going to the dressing room to see if she needed anything, to find my mother twirling in a dress and saying as she looked in the mirror - "Don't I look beautiful?" Now, I don't think it's unusual for an 80 year old woman to look beautiful in a nice dress, but my sister was struck by the fact that not once in her life had our Nmother told her that she (LS1) looked beautiful. When I was at a prom in high school, my mother came up to me and told me that someone had said to her, 'When did (Pearl)become such a beauty?" And my Nmother told me this with amazement on her face and walked away shaking her head! I was by no means a beauty, but it's hard for a 16 year old girl NOT to look good with makeup, her hair up, and in a beautiful dress! But Nmother really didn't want the attention taken from her - no basking in reflected glory for her! It was the amazement that got to me - it really did take a good bit of the joy out of the evening for me... And I wonder why I get scared when I lose weight - taking the spotlight off thin, beautiful Nmother was a dangerous venture.
Hi (), my narc mother started treating me like an enemy when I hit puberty. I became overweight I then I think in an effort to comfort myself with food, since neither of my parents had anytning but disdain for me, that's when they paid any attention to me at all. NMs who are rivalrous and jealous of their daughters do the most insidious damage on us. We're never allowed to outdo them, out achieve them, or God forbid, grow into our own beauty. Sad.
ReplyDeleteIt is, isn't it? I did seek comfort in food , but worse, I realized that I could never be thin like Nmother if I wanted her to love me - which I did! So every time I lose weight, I get really anxious - I'm fighting it this time- I want myself back, body and soul!!!
Delete