I went to a party last night and felt totally and completely out of place. I did get to visit with some people I haven't seen in a while, I love the hostess, AND I didn't get spotted as supply - hurrah! - but I also felt like a fish out of water. This morning, I thought that going to a party to meet other introverts is a bit like going to a bar to meet men and then ending up married to an alcoholic and wondering why... I have to find a way to meet people that doesn't involve large groups of them mingling with a drink in their hands - not that I don't have the occasional beer or glass of wine,mind you. But this sort of social venue just no longer appeals to me. I enjoy seeing people one-on-one or in small groups - but that doesn't lead to meeting new folks. I'm in a Bible study and I go to a shop to weave with other women, but I think I need something more - maybe a book club or a class. I'm discovering that I love all kinds of arts - I took a black ceramics class and it was great and I'd like to take a glass making class and maybe a wool dying class...
I think I'm feeling a bit lost right now because a good friend is heading back to the US for 6 months and I'm going to miss her a lot - we love a lot of the same kinds of things and it's been fun getting to know her and spend time with her. I tend toward having only 2-3 good friends with whom I can talk about anything, and I live in a place that is somewhat transient, so I find myself having to start over periodically... It's distressing. This friend is coming back to live here permanently, so I'm a bit surprised by my strong reaction to her leaving. Sigh... I'm going to miss her a lot.
Hi Toto,
ReplyDeleteI wanted to respond to your previous post about community here and in the UK, but had too much work. It was a really smart post, and here in the US as you know people have real bi-polar views about the individual and community. Especially when our NFOOs have enforced "the family" on us and its groupthink. A quick note here to say I too have become an introvert, although I strike people as being the opposite. I'm no longer a 'people person" unless I'm fulfilling my professional "role." I too only have four friends I really count on and fully trust in my life. People are far too changeable, and I find it's way too much "work" to "socialize." I don't get pleasure in it as I used to. It's taken me a long time to understand that it's fine to withdraw from enforced or culturally mandated "social functions" if they tax me. But it's hard. I"m sorry you'll be temporarily "losing' the proximity of a good friend, at a time when you feel you're transiently located. Not easy. You're thrown back much more on yourself and your own resources. But you seem to have really good instincts and intuitions about people, and a clear sense of what kinds of storms you don't want in your life. That will help, maybe?
Hey, CS - I am developing good instincts about people, but I'm not sure I completely trust myself yet - I do know that even "normal" people make mistakes, so I have to be careful to be gracious to myself when I mess up, but it's still hard. I don't think that I've become an introvert - I think I've always been an introvert who lived in and NFOO that rewarded and valued only extroversion, so I faked it. Also, I'm a very LOUD introvert, not the shy, quiet kind, so it's easy to get confused... And I can get up in front of a group and speak and all that, but it's taxing, as you say, and I'm happier in front of my loom...
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