Reaping the Whirlwind

I've known for a long time that when I start losing weight, I'm elated - and then I'm terrified. I thought it was because my mother was a victim and I was terrified of being a victim, too - but, nooooooooooooooo, It turns out that my Nmother was a partner with MNfather and the unspoken rule was that no one (except the WWW, of course)could look as good as Nmother! No one could be as pretty or as thin as Nmother without reaping the whirlwind. So now the Nmother is gone and I am NC with the WWW and her Flying Monkeys, losing weight is not terrifiying! In fact, it's just downright mind-blowingly wonderful! I look in the mirror every day, not just to check that I'm put together before I head out, but actually to admire myself. It's a new world, one that I not only belong in, but am meant to thrive in!! Food has been a comfort to me my whole life, in part because the Nmother who couldn't love her children loved to bake - and I did take comfort in that! Over and over and over... it'll take a while for me to lose the armor I've been carrying around with me, but I'm ready to face the world as me, the Real Me, not as some poor thing that Nmother created to make sure she was identified as the True Princess!