Grateful for N's behavior

There's still a sadness sometimes for what might have been  - even after realizing that both of my parents were N's and that I had to go NC with some of my more malicious siblings, I really thought that maybe those who'd been ousted from the family might yet form another family...  It didn't take long for that fantasy to die (even those mistreated by the family want roles to remain the same)- it was a lovely dream, but it wasn't possible.  The distortion created by the Nparents is just too twisted to undo. And we're all old now- the behaviors we've used to defend ourselves in the NFOO are just too well established to change, I think, unless the pain created by the NFOO is great enough to push us toward change.  I'm grateful that I've had sufficient pain from the WWW and her Flying Monkeys and other sibs to make me want out - permanently.  Really, if they hadn't been so horrific, I might have continued on the path of least resistance - mostly stay away, grit my teeth and get through a family event, etc.  But that created a lot of anxiety for me, and kept me locked in relationships that were really unhealthy for me.  So I'm grateful for N's for just being who they are and making it possible for me to get out and stay out.