At long last, I've managed to figure out my entire NFOO - whew! When I figured out the Nparents, I felt an enormous sense of relief - and then I realized that N's create dynasties - and the Nparents had produced 9 children - quite an empire! There are at least 2 N's - and the rest of us have innumerable fleas - and I think that if you keep your "fleas" long enough (and feed them with sycophantic behavior), the Nvirus destroys all sense of right and wrong and you become, for all intents and purposes, an N. Those of us who were scapegoats (the servants of the Golden Children) had no recourse early on, before we understood what was going on, except a geographic fix - it would be fun to map Nfamilies and try to figure out where the scapegoats ended up - I'm a continent away and the other scapegoat is 1/2 a continent away from the N's. There is a 3rd scapegoat - he's still a servant, the peacemaker of the family - he makes some progress toward understanding, then backs away from it. So I'm either NC or LC with all my sibs except one - she and I are working through this together, which has been an enormous blessing.
The feeling of a huge weight being lifted off my shoulders (or my soul) is truly amazing - this personality disorder has affected every aspect of my life - until now. I'm finally really, truly free of this - there is a calm at the center of my being that I don't think I've ever before felt in my entire life. My brain isn't constantly trying to process the disaster that is my Nfamily and I'm able to focus on me, on my life, on my goals, on my dreams - what an amazing, wonderful experience! Hopefully, this blog will now be about how I experience life as a free person! I'm sure there will be minor forays into enemy territory, but I think the war's been won!
This is so remarkable - sorry that this post is slightly repetitive, but honestly, I don't think I've ever felt like this in my entire life!!!!!
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