Sighing...

By nature, I'm not a sigher - but today I catch myself sighing - guess it's one way to take deep breaths...  My p/a husband has dementia - he has days in a row now when he can't process much - but I've come to realize that it isn't the Parkinson's and it isn't the dementia that make his care difficult - it's the p/a.  If I say yes, he says no - I've worked around this for years, making way too many concessions, but this is getting crazier every day.  There are things he can't see for himself now because of the Parkinson's - when he's taking short steps, when he's up on his toes, when he's leaning backwards going up the stairs - but if I tell him to do something else, he resists because how can he listen to ME?  So my presence is actually putting him in danger because of his personality disorder.  I'm thinking that we may have to look at permanent out-of-home care well before I'd thought we would.  At least it's affordable here - but I'm not willing to stay here forever, so I may be coming back for twice a year visits...

So, this is how it works.  I just told my husband that I think we need to consider him going into full-time care when we get our debt paid off.  I explained that I'm having trouble with his constant sabotaging of my care for him, his constant argumentativeness about ideas for how to improve his health.  I told him that I'm sick of fighting with him about things that would help him.  He, of course, denies that he does this, then says that it's in the past and I should give him another chance, and he promises to use the tools I've given him.  When I say that this is his MO and that he won't really do what he says, he actually writes something on his iPad  (It's a miracle!) and it's "Do you still have the stool softeners?  I think I need them."   Yes, people, this is my life...