Whew! Had my first anxiety attack in a long time today. Pretty scary, racing heart, wanting to get away, but I continued writing an email to my aunt, who was making "observations" about my mother, basically scolding me and telling me not to judge her too harshly. To be fair, my aunt has absolutely no idea about my NFOO except what my Nmother told her, which of course was that she was the víctim and that my Nfather was so horrible and she was so frightened of him... Malarkey. She was a full partner in her children's abuse, setting us up and then walking away when the abuse began. I'm so tired of hearing about what a saint she was, such a good Catholic... (I'm not opposed to the Catholic Church - Nmother wasn't a good Catholic - she used even that to make herself look good. What kind of Catholic mother sets her children up for abuse?).
So instead of being silent, I explained to my aunt as kindly as I could in an email about my NFOO and what went on there, including my mother's starring role in the abuse. I may never hear from my aunt again, but since I haven't had much contact with her most of my life, that will be OK, although I was really enjoying our econversations about Nmother's FOO - lots of drama, lots of inter-family drama which I had suspected but really didn't know much about. Of course, there was also my aunt's rendition of my Nfather's FOO, all of which she had gotten directly from Nmother's mouth, so the truth was not in it! One of the really funny stories that came of these conversations was that Nmother had told me that she had come home from college and couldn't get a job because grandfather had asked her to take care of grandmother, who had some pretty serious issues with "nerves.". It turns out that that's what happened to my aunt when SHE graduated from college 9 years later! WTH? My mother told us a story about her life that had really happened to her younger sister - why? Who knows? It was a victim story, so it seemed to fit, I guess...
And honestly, if I hear the term "shanty Irish" again from anyone in Nmother's family (who are German Czechs)' I just may go ballistic - I am Half Irish and these are my grandparents they're using pejorative phrases for! My mother used to do this and I would point out that I am half Irish, but she didn't seem to get it - or did she? It's funny that the Ousted celebrate their Irish heritage, but the other part of the family acts as if they have no connection to the Auld Sod at all - avoidance of the "shanty Irish" label? Hmmmm.. I have to think about that... So maybe my spending 2 years in Ireland didn't help my position in the family? AACK! What a group!
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