Too much! Too much!!

A friend's father-in-law used to say, in his best Eyore-way, "There's always something to take the joy out of life."  Sometimes I feel that way - like if I'm "too happy", there will be a price to pay.  When I had my second child, a son, my mother told my husband,"(Pearl) always gets what she wants."  What?  Where did THAT come from?  If I asked for what I wanted in my FOO, I very specifically did NOT get it.  (Thankfully, my FOO had no control over what kind of children I got, so I had one beautiful daughter and one beautiful son!) All my life, I was accused of being too emotional, too intellectual (yes, both of them), too big, too loud, too shy, too out-spoken.  You name it, I was too much of it.   And being too much of anything came with a price, sometimes a HUGE price, depending on if someone was embarrassed by the too muchness.  I learned to watch carefully and not feel too much of anything at all - unlearning that numbness is scarey, but I'm getting there -  pretty soon, I'll be too much of anything I want to be too much of!!