What to do?

So for most of my life, I've been involved in "helping professions", not that there's anything wrong with helping people, but I think that the main reason I was in those professions is that I was conditioned to be a "helper", to give narcissistic supply to all the N's in my life.  Now I want to explore what I might have done had I not been raised by N's (whenever I start saying that I was raised by.....  , I think "wolves." It's not quite true because I was socialized, but in such an odd way!!

My mother was held up to us as the epitome of femininity, sophistication, and good taste.  She wore bright red lipstick  and for years, when the rest of the world wore jeans and pants,she continued to wear house dresses and heels.  She weighed less than 100 pounds most of her life and after babies, she exercised and dieted until the baby weight came off completely. Only when she was much older did she wear anything like bright colors.  She was torn between being the sophisticated college graduate and the Wisconsin farm wife, so she spent a good bit of her life being conflicted, but sophisticated won every time!!  When she divorced my Nfather at age 80 and moved into assisted living, my siblings began talking about how "cute" she was - I felt that it was belittling to speak of her that way, but she seemed to enjoy it, of course...  Looks are everything in my family - being small, young-looking, pretty,and sophisticated are everything!  When MW1 came to visit me last year, she actually suggested that I have breast reduction surgery - that was out of the blue!  Now that I have better boundaries, I'd use one of my one-liners on her - "I wonder why you'd say such a rude thing to me when you're a guest in my home."  At the time, I was too shocked to say anything!  I really have to get over that...

So - I'm taking a weaving class and I'm loving it!  The hand work, the colors and textures are so amazing!!   And it's not only femininity that I'm exploring - it's my artistic side, which was certainly never encouraged in my childhood.  Nmother  was considered the only "artist" in the family because she had done calligraphy in college - and just like no one could be as feminine as Nmother, no one could be artistic, either.  It's amazing how we weren't allowed to complete with either parent in any area - and if calligraphy can make one an artist, you can only imagine how limited we were!  (Not that I don't like calligraphy - I do - but it's certainly not the epitome of all art.) 

This is going to be fun!