Forward!

It's been a busy couple of days with lots of N-action.  Now to look forward - I have a children's book that I need to edit and see if I can get published - or self-publish it.  It's a fairytale about 2 princesses who have Nparents - I think that a lot of fairytales involve Nparent/s and it's helpful for children to see that they're not alone in their pain, that there are others who are going through the same thing.  One of the things that helped in my childhood was reading - and there were neighbors who didn't seem to hate me the way my family did - Mrs. Leichle, the dear older widow who lived next door and never yelled when we climbed her apple tree and ate the apples - or picked the berries that grew along her driveway - Mr. and Mrs. Hahn, who sat in their driveway on two of those lovely metal bouncy chairs and talked to me and sometimes invited me inside for cookies and milk - and LISTENED to me - and Mrs. Bodden, who always gave me windmill cookies, which I hated, but I always took one because she sat with me on her stoop while I ate it and TALKED to me - and Mrs. Schnitzler, who was so worried when a bee stung me that she took me inside and put cool cloths on it  and offered to call my mother (I declined the offer).  There were loving and caring people in my neighborhood who showed me that not all people were like my Nparents - and if children don't see them in real life, they need to see them in books, so they know that they aren't the problem, that lots of children aren't perfect and are still treated with kindness and encouragement.

I also plan to continue weaving and weaving and weaving - I love the colors and textures of yarn and the lovely way it combines to make such amazing fabrics!  By next fall, I hope to have an ETSY site and sell scarves, placemats, table runners, baby blankets, and shawls.  Every day, I learn something new and wonderful. 

I plan to continue losing weight - I'm loving the new me!  It's so lovely to no longer be caught in the web of not being allowed to be feminine or beautiful or thin!  It's a bit late in the day, but I'm going to give it my best shot!!!  I finally have a girly bedroom - I wasn't ever allowed one as a child and as a married woman, I wanted to create a bedroom that my husband felt comfortable in, too - now, with his sleep disturbance, I have my own room and it's my own to decorate!  It's gorgeous - just what I always wanted!  Lots of color, color, color!!!

I plan to join a gym after the holidays - I walk a lot, but I want to build upper body strength as well = weaving helps, but I'd like to get really STRONG. 

There - that's the plan!  My home state's motto is "Forward!" and that's going to be my motto, too!!!  Enough of the past and all its entrapments, enough of being involved with N's and their nonsense, enough of worrying that I'm not good enough - I'm plenty good enough and if someone doesn't think so, they should just move aside because I'm not stopping to listen to them and their lies. 

\I know that I'll still have sad days, days when I don't feel good enough, days when the lies come seeping back in, but most days, I feel stronger inside.  Most days I don't feel anxious or fearful anymore - Insidious Npower over me is weakening.  It's melting!  It's melting!  (The Oz analogy breaks down about here - if I could click my heels together 3 times and end up back home, I'd give the damn shoes back to the Witch!)