Tuesday, November 27, 2012
No, not a friend
I've been watching a British mystery series while I weave- it's one of those shows that you don't have to really watch - you just get to listen to fantastic British accents and sort of follow the plot. So this morning, one of the characters was asked if the deceased was a friend - and his answer was that no, he wasn't a friend; he was a customer - he just came around when he wanted something. Isn't that just the best description of N's? Not a friend (someone who wants what's best for you ), just someone who comes around when they want something! I love it. I do like the fact that most of my NFOO is the distant variety - they don't stalk, they just ignore. It makes NC so easy! They do want information, so they'll try to get it out of others who may have access - now that MW is out of the picture, that leaves only W2, so I'll have to be ever so careful with him. I've been noticing, though, that we mostly have contact when he needs to talk out a problem in his life - and then there's silence until another issue comes up. I really don't mind listening, but I wish we had more of a relationship than just that. The irony is that he knows that I won't talk to anyone about his life - and yet I hear that he "shares" information about other sibs with the Weird Ones and MW. Sad, but reality, and it's reality I'm living in now, not the dream or hope of what might have been, but the reality of what IS. And the reality in my NFOO is that information about a person is WAY more important (and probably a good deal easier) than a relationship with that person. I've considered spreading false information about myself, but that seems a bit childish, even though it sounds like a lot of fun! (Imagine the reaction if I spread a rumor that I'd won the lottery! One of my sisters plays poker and won some sort of pot and one of the FM's thought that the money should be shared with her - even though she's treated L3 horrifically throughout her life - but we're "family"!) If I hear "But we're 'sisters' one more time in my life to cajole me into sharing information, I'll scream. Imagine the rumblings that would cause!!! Hmmmm....
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Hi Toto,
ReplyDeleteI have a distancing FOO too, which is kind of nice compared to many of the horror stories I've heard. But I had to chuckle about the lottery thing. My SO's NPs actually won a lottery a few years back. It was a big secret, and to this day we wouldn't know except we saw his name on a wall in a casino--and it explained a lot of things! I never understood why it was such a big secret. You'd think they'd want to tell people they won 1.7 million.
I have also fantasized about giving false information about myself. When I quit sharing w/my NPs, they began making things up about me and spreading rumors throughout the family. For example, that I was dating a married man. Utterly false and completely made up. They wanted me to feel bad, but it only validated my decision to keep my distance. When you stop playing the game, they can't win, no matter how much they try.
WWW and her Flying Monekeys' MO is to spread all kinds of rumors, lies, and slander. I think the need for high drama makes this just too enticing for them. But it is good to have a distancing NFOO, isn't it? I have one Nsib (MW) who will probably stalk me, although I've upset her, so she may just do what she's done with another sibling and completely ignore me - hopefully! When I read about the enveloping NFOO and all the shenanigans they go through to get back into people's lives, I really am grateful for an NFOO that mostly ingnores me!
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