Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Scoldy, scoldy
Every contact with MW results in scolding, lecturing, or unasked for advice. So, you might ask, why do I stay in contact? This is an excellent question, for which I can think of no answer. Well, maybe because she's seemed more benign than the WWW and her Flying Moneys... yes, that's probably it. However, let's look at the situation - she acts like a parent - and not a very good one. She needs to be in control of all situations involving ANYONE in the NFOO. In her eyes, it was just plain WRONG of me to ask my nephew if I could stay at his house while he's gone for the holiday - I should have asked HER - or at least, I should have asked HER if I could ask HIM. And apparently, although this request happened months ago, he didn't tell her, either. Hmmmm. So then he panicked and decided that this was going to look bad to MW and he'd better switch us over to their place post haste. Unfortuately, I didn't take that well, since staying at MW's place or taking anything from MW results in psychological bondage and I'm resisting any sort of bondage now. So nephew sends me a nastygram - I've removed him from all social sites and my gmail account - anyone who sends nastygrams gets deleted immediately now. There'll be no more of that in my life. I did respond with an equal/equal message first,just for practice. So now MW is sending all sorts of scolding, shaming, lecturing emails. So why haven't I deleted her? I've been responding equal/equal, which has been wonderful for me - but I haven't deleted her yet. I am taking her off my other blog, a blog about what's happening in my life, where I live I think that's too much information for her to have. It might be time to shut down communication with her - really, there's not anything that I get from the relationship, if it can even be called that. It's just a lot of shaming, blaming nastiness with a defensive and mean edge to it. I think it's time. Sigh...
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Gosh. YOur nephew sat on the info for a few months before passing it along to MW. Then sent you a nastygram. I know how sad you are to have to cut some of these folks out, but you just don't have to be subject to such dynamics anymore, and re: giddy post, you won't be now.
ReplyDeleteIt's interesting how long we put up with these things, all the while, though, I think we're building up to making the final moves. And once we make them, it feels like we're doing it swiftly when in fact it's been decades in the making. I'm Skyping with my sister today; I don't trust her anymore (and that's a big change); she's become chief parental narc enabler, and ventriloquizes my NM when she gets irritated with me. I've started the hourglass; we'll see if the sand runs out on my sister, or if she manages to take the hourglass out of the picture. I hope she doesn't become someone I have to walk away from. She was there for me for many years, but these last five she's let herself be swallowed back up by the Clan-blog. And she's pushing fifty. Single. Childless, never married, and five years ago moved back to my NP's city. Living in a small apartment minutes away from both their respective homes. Both my narc mother and narc father and wife are fine financially--and physically as well. So my sister's "caretaking" is really just enabling of parental narcissism, and I'm reaching the limits of my patience on it. We are on count down.